Countdown to 135: A week at a time

thinking of trying the paleo diet, does anyone i know do it?  any tips or suggestions?

You know what?

I am sick and tired of being fed up with my body.  I’ve been slipping, and getting high with friends and hanging out, and really not watching myself.  I haven’t been going to the gym.  To my credit, I was sick for a bit, and then had a pulled leg muscle.  But you know what?  Not really excuses for letting myself go.  I know that I am worth this.  But even as I say that, I falter.  I don’t even know where I’m going with this except that I am desperate to change my body and to become more confident.  I’ve been stuck in this cycle for the better part of my life, and it’s turning me into someone I don’t want to be.  I see all of these before and after pictures, and they’re inspiring, but also make me so sad.  I’ve been on weight watchers for 11 months now, on and off.  I have lost around 30 pounds, and that’s great, but when I see the other people, and the time it took them, and the effort they put in, i know that I can do better than what I’ve been doing as of late.  I have about 100 pounds to lose.  Goddamn, if I’m not more happy with who I am by then, there’s gonna be hell to pay. And not just because I’ll have a healthier, leaner (hopefully) body, but also because I’ll know I got there all by myself.  

So I’m officially starting the summer at 226.5 lbs. A few pounds less than the last time I weighed in! But yea so that’s where I am now. Excited to become more fit this summer!

oh man

I can’t even move.  Today has put shame to this whole weight-loss thing.  It’s been all carbs today, and a lot at that.  Though, it is conference week.  And it’s only a few more weeks until I’m home and able to use my kitchen and have fresh veggies at my disposal, and my bike!  Super excited.  I’m literally counting the days.  

Wait!  I just weighed in, with my own scale (little baby me doing weight watchers on my own) and it looks like I lost weight!  The scale was fluctuating between 226 and 228, but didn’t get up to 229 so I think I lost weight, somewhere around 2-3 pounds!  I’m in the 220’s!  Officially.  This is a great feeling.  

What now?

I’m slipping.  I’m telling myself I’m sticking to Weight Watchers, but I haven’t been able to count all week.  I’ve been overeating as a result.  I’m looking forward to the summer, where I’ll have my work (very active) my bike (1000 miles this summer!) my home friends (keep me happy and constantly moving - less likely to eat) and a KITCHEN (I’m seriously sick of frozen food.  This is getting ridiculous, and is no doubt a huge part of my frustration.)  I’m going home soon, and I’m continuing Weight Watchers on my own this time.  It’s kinda scary, I have to admit.  Here’s to hoping I can do this.  Gonna be trying to find more support on tumblr, as there’s such a good community here.

So I’m thinking that I need some motivation for this whole weightloss thing.  Just lagging a bit, and the whole mess-up with the scale has thrown me for an emotional loop.  I’ve cut my points by 5, because I have been slacking, and much of the points are just fatty or sweet things I feel like I can have but probably shouldn’t.  I’m learning I need just a little bit more structure.  Like, earlier today, I could have ice cream, but didn’t.  Ice cream is a toughie to say no to, for me.  I have 2 points left over today, and I feel great!  I’m going to make some popcorn with those two points. 

Not trying to be a downer, just having one of those nights where I just look at my body and think, “how the hell could I have ever let it get this bad?”  It sucks a lot, and I do know that I’m working towards a better body and more self confidence, but it’s just one of those nights =[.